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There was a young girl from the Glen,
Who seemed to get nowhere with men.
And try as she might
They all got a fright
When she showed them her children – all ten!
Marie Hennessy © 03.02.2021

There was a young girl from Tipperary,
Whose legs were exceedingly hairy.
But we’ll do what we can
To find her a man
Could anyone love hairy Mary?
Marie Hennessy © 03.02.2021

She threw petals on the bed
She wore flowers on her head.
And doused herself with perfume head to toe.
And then she lay in wait
To lure him to her bed
But when he saw her through the window,
He turned around and fled!
Marie Hennessy © 03.2.2021

Where, oh where
Has my Valentine gone?
Where in the world can he be?

I’m still in Clonmel,
Still single as well…
Soon, I’ll be seventy-three!
Franci Carew © 2021

Hip Hip hooray!
St Valentine’s Day.
We remember
a Legend.
A man.

Who lost his head
his jailer’s daughter.

He sighed and signed
‘From your Valentine…’

Too late, he thought,
Oh, maybe
I shouldn’t have ought to.
Nellie Keane © 2021

Saint Valentine fires Cupid’s bow…
But for Mary, there’s never a show.
It’s the same every year,
She sheds many a tear!
Why, oh why did she ever wed Joe?
Annette Condon © 2021

Every year, he gets down on one knee
To declare his love, only, for me
But why have I not got a thing?
Not a flower, a card or a ring…

He retorts, ‘Oh give me a break!
You know, Hallmark’s just on the make.
We’ll party at home with no fuss
We can still make it all about us.
Sit down and just let it be…
I’ll make you a nice cup of tea.’

I choke as I struggle for air.
I scream and throw him a glare!
What’s wrong with all of these guys?
We women, we need a surprise.
Single ladies, look ‘ere you leap
Avoid Valentine’s Day on the cheap!

Annette Condon © 2021

Look at my handsome old fellow.
Somehow, he’s gotten quite mellow.
One red Rose at my door.
But I wanted more…
Alas! My handsome old fellow.
Betty Ryan © 2021

She laid out the table with candles and wine.
The new dress she wore was simply divine.
The napkins were heart-shaped…
She’d arranged all the flowers.
And then she sat down
and waited for hours.

When he came home at a quarter to four,
She rose like a dragon
As he fell through the door.
In his teeth he was holding
One single ragged rose…

Then he reeled back and staggered
With one bloody red nose…

Susie Smith © 2021

He’s got a bunch of flowers,
He’s got her favourite chocs.
He can’t wait to get home tonight,
He’s really got the hots.
Will she be waiting in a sexy satin slip?
Will she be frying up his favourite steak and chips?

“What’s for dinner, Darling?”
“It’s frozen chicken dippers.”
She’s watching Coronation Street
In her dressing gown and slippers.

Susie Smith © 2021

A love heart, a chain and a ring…
But too ostentatious – pure bling.
She sent them all back,
In spite of the flack,
Only slightly regretting her fling.

Trish McHale © 2021

I like getting Valentine Cards
I like lining all of them up.
Three from John
And six from David.
Twelve I got from Spencer…
All of whom are ninety-five
Wearing wooden dentures.
Paula Hynes © 2021

Mother told me not to grumble,
Mother told me not to grouse,
‘Cos when I went to fetch the post
I found
All the Valentines
Addressed to my sister.

Having now calmed
and regained some composure,
I sit in a warm, cosy corner,
And watch the heart-shaped cards
As they blaze and dance on the hearth.
Paula Hynes © 2021

Oh, Doctor I’m in trouble.
The thoughts of seeing you every night,
Is the incentive to get me through these dark days.
You look directly at me,
Your glasses perched on your cute little nose,
Your blue eyes – the windows to your soul.
Your voice is so soothing,
I hang on to your every word.
You tell me to stay home,
I do, of course I do,
Because, Doctor Tony Holohan,
I am so in love with you.

Anne Crosse © 2021

Valentine’s Day’s here
Crammed with Chocolate, flowers and good cheer.
We want to celebrate,
But now we stay separate…

When can we congregate?

Valentine’s Day ‘21
A day like no other before.

But Love has no boundary
So, let’s all be flowery…
And by phone, Skype or Zoom
Send Love
To scatter the gloom,
On this day like no other before

Nora Casey © 2021

Tipperary’s Excel Writers are supported by Tipperary Education & Training Bo

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